I’ve been back at work for about six weeks now. I’ve known working moms, have worked with working moms and have read about working moms, but nothing prepared me for being a working mom. As with everything about parenting, it is capital-H Hard.

Life is a balance, and after spending nearly 12 years as a full-time editor and journalist, part of me is glad to have some of that adult interaction and professional normalcy back. Although I don’t think anything is more mentally challenging than being a parent, the intellectual stimulation that comes with researching and writing about construction is refreshing at times.

But here’s the tricky thing: working full-time makes it so I don’t devote as much time to Landon as I want to and should, making me feel like a subpar mom. Wanting to devote as much time as possible to Landon makes me feel like a less adequate reporter, writer and editor.

It’s a catch 22.

I take a lot of pride in my work and in doing everything to my fullest capacity. Pre-Landon, that meant being a great employee, a great wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend … you name it, I wanted to excel. Landon’s arrival and my new title of “mommy” has been an awesome and humbling responsibility. Every mother knows when you meet your baby, your heart is no longer your own. Your heart lives in that tiny human being from now until forever.

There is nothing more important that Brian and I can be doing than raising him right, but we also need to keep up with our other responsibilities, all of which intertwine and ultimately circle back to doing what’s best for Landon. One of those vital responsibilities is that each of us hold down good full-time jobs so that we can provide the necessities and even some of the niceties of life. Part of being a good mom, in my circumstance, is having a full-time job.

We live in a society where it’s very financially difficult for one parent to remain fully at home. The Bureau of Labor Statistics released a report in April finding that 61.9 percent of households with children had two working parents. That same report found that nearly 70 percent of married mothers participate in the labor force. I’m part of a large cohort of moms who send their child(ren) off every morning to someone else’s care. I don’t know any mother who loves bidding adieu to her child every morning, but for many of us, there’s simply no choice from a financial perspective, so we grit our teeth, plaster a smile on and act like it’s fine.

Landon goes to a local sitter three days a week and my mom twice a week. I always get a good report of his day’s activities — and that frequently involves hearing how smiley and happy he was. There are other kids at the sitter and I know he’ll learn how to interact and play well with others. I love that he gets to spend time with my mom (Granny, to Landon) and develop such a special bond. By having other people play an instrumental role in raising him, he’ll become a more well-rounded little boy. Every single person in the world can teach someone else something. Landon will learn lessons from my mom, from his sitter, from the other kids, and someday from his school teachers and classmates that I wouldn’t have been able to share with him. Having those people who truly love him, care for him and nurture him is a blessing.

I’m so fortunate to work from home, the key word in that clause being “work.” I have a full-time job with a Washington, D.C.-based company, and therefore treat it just as I would if I went to an office. Meaning: Landon needs full-time care while I work my full-time job, which surprises many people. That said, working from home comes with certain perks like not commuting, cooking my own lunch most days (hello zucchini noodles, fresh-roasted chickpeas and eggs our chickens laid mere hours ago) and, yes, the ability to start work in my PJs if my pre-work morning gets too hectic to actually get ready for the day. This also allows me to do morning baby care while Brian gets ready to take Landon to his sitter and then get himself to his job.

I do fear during these large chunks of time apart Landon is going to hit milestones I won’t be the first to see — crawling, his first words, his first steps, the moment he figures out a concept he’s struggled to grasp and you’ll see his tiny face light up with a new understanding of the world.

Working also has its challenges beyond just time away from my baby. I get endlessly frustrated that mom groups meet on weekday mornings. Yes, stay-at-home moms very much need their escape and fellowship time, but working moms need a community, too. Working women in general have fewer opportunities. A fitness facility nearby has a women’s class I’d love to participate in, but it’s offered only on weekday mornings.

Despite its challenges, triumphs and occasional heartache during the daily separation, each day I simply do the best I can, which is all I can hope to. Although there are days when I have significant shortcomings as a mom or as a professional, ending each day knowing I tried as hard as I could provides some solace. No matter if we spend seven full days a week together or only two full days a week together, Landon is loved and we make sure he feels that.